The bonding

At time in our life, there will be a stage where we start walking further away from our family. Teenage. It was when we were start growing up from a child. We start to be very close with our friends, tell them things more than to our family. Thinks that our family didn't understand what we had in our mind, our thought. We talk about what we wanna do in our future, how fun it would be hanging out with friends when ever we like, as much time as we can, no curfew. We wanted that freedom, a loose string from the family.

I remember when they asked which finger you favored most. I choose the index finger. A pyschology test again. It represent friends. It  means that I treasure friend the most of all other relationship. The thumb represent family, middle finger represent yourselves, ring finger of course to your lover and finally, the pinky represent children. I remember my dad choose the thumb and my mum choose pinky. I didn't understand at that time, how come, how come they dont choose index finger? I mean, we used that finger the most. Psychologically, I put my friends in the first priority at that time. To my parent, indeed, family was the most important at their stage of life.

Last time, I didn't understand how come people treasure family more. Now, I have an answer to it. It was because I was still young.

At our teen, we didn't really go through many things. We were just growing up from a child who use to say "don't want friend you!" to a friend, then be friend back the next day, had silly argument (a fight over eraser?) and the cycle goes. We were that immature as a child. We grew up to have sincere and close friend who we know we are friends no matter what argument it is. That friends might annoyed us, yet we were make friends and talk a lot about ourselves. We share secrets and give opinions based on our own teenage thinking.

As we grow older, as we go through more and more sour things, we tend to turn back to our family, our parent. Although we didn't share a single things with them, no heart to heart talk, we would still feel the bonding.

When something bad happen to me, I never tell them a single thing. I never cry in front of them, not my parent, not my sisters. It's not because I didn't want to share. It's not because I'm not close to them. It's because the least thing I can do for them, it's to make them not to worry about me. It's a heartfelt that I didn't want to trouble my family, I didn't want them to know I am sad or I go through shit because I know they will be more unhappy than anyone in this world to see me sad. It's a natural obligations as a daughter, a part of the family to want your family be happy. What can they do if they know I'm sad? They will just feel helpless. And knowing that they are helpless make you feel worse because of the guilt. The guilt to make them sad for you are the reason.

I would rather to see they are happy. At least, the pain in heart cure a little to see the smile of your family members. At least, the hidden pain worth it because you know your family wanted you to be happy. Deep down you know, they wish the best for you more than anyone. And you will know, they support you.

I want to be happy for I know, they truly wish this for me.
This is the bonding of a family that I start to feel it.