Sparks

Strange but true.
You may received a skip of heartbeat from the one you may not even love.

Crush? Maybe, perhaps, I'm not even sure.

I have been telling many people about sparks. The chemistry between two persons which is so miracle that I couldn't use any words to describe that magical feeling except for the word, sparks. They don't get it. They called me to describe. It's hard to describe unless you really feel it. If you insist, I may said it's a glimpse of sweetness mixed with happiness and you just feel like your feet are lifting on the skies. Pure light weighted of yourself with slight increase of heartbeat. It's truly a magical feeling.

It doesn't really involve love. Love is a heavy word, for me at least. I never used the word love on someone unless of course, when I'm very sure. Or maybe after we went through a thousand moment of sparks? Hahahhaaha!

For me, I have encounter this moment of sparks with many different person. It's all different situations and it may happen to the same person again (only to the person I'm close with). Yes, sometimes I may even confuse, am I really falling for this person? Or maybe crush? I can't tell. I didn't want to think too much and most of the time, I will just enjoy this sparks.

There was once I was working on a project. This person whom I'm quite close with at that moment, came to  offer help. He wasn't really helping much actually. He was basically just sitting next to me and chat with me. Then, we started teasing each other. He said that I'm dumb in doing things (everything practical, I'm dumb, I admit) and I protested till death and denied and yet, helpless doing dumb thing which I cant explain either. And he helped out with his teasing look upon my stupidity. It was really something there as I actually can't resist smiling when he said I was dumb. A slight sparks I would said. What else if I could still feel slight of happy when I was being insult. Maybe because of the quiet environment and they were only two of us there that lead to this something.

There was once I was quite tired because I was walking here and there doing something. While I rest, leaning on a table, this person came and smiled. Well, he has the most comforting smile ever :) He asked whether am I tired. Undoubtedly a yes and I said my shoes was too flat that cause my leg pain. Then, the most amazing thing happen!! He gently pulled my leg, take off my shoes and massage my foot. OMG how can I don't feel anything? I WAS SERIOUSLY VERY TOUCH :'( Okay, maybe it was a wrong feeling of mine, isn't sparks but plain touch but but but it's still, I can't describe. I was stun. I didn't even react. I just look at him, massaging my foot. I really never expect something like this from him because he was never a caring person. That moment still remain as a part of the sweetest memories now. It's still unbelievable till now.

And there are some moments which is just very short but delivers a comforting feelings. Moment like a person lend his hand to you when your hand are cold. Moment like a person pat on your head. Moment like a person would help you to take something just so you don't need to bend down. Moment like a person walk behind you to become your pillar when you fall. Moment like a person help you cut something because afraid of you will get cut. All this may or may not be sparks. But it makes one appreciates.

I don't think I fell for them even for all the this sparks. I don't think I fell for them for all this comfort feelings. Till this moment, I'm conscious that they are my friends and no extra feelings. I just enjoy these moments but it doesnt involve love.

Strange. And one always said you fall in love because you have extra heartbeat for someone.
But I'm conscious enough to tell the difference.

Thank you to you

I really did fall for you, I really did.

The fact that today, even we are no longer together, I'm happy that I did fell for you.

We used to have arguments when we were together. Arguments about something that I don't even remember  now. Funny it is but I'm sure I was really angry and upset when we argued. But now, I don't remember what the arguing was all about. Maybe, as an overall, yes, I know why. But the specific things we argued about, I no longer can recall (even I always said I have a powerful memory).

Just now when I look upon on my wall, I saw the butterflies decoration I did, irrelevantly, I recalled about you. It was a sudden memory. I remember the mushroom artwork I did for you. And I remember how your old house wall looks as white as my room wall now. I recalled the happy image of myself when I'm with you. I was young, naive and I was really happy.

I did, I did passed through a period when I thought I couldn't even afford to smile anymore. It was so hard that the pain in heart could never be describe. I was so fragile that the tears is just there on eyes. I was, I was so vulnerable that I didn't know what can I do to lift myself up. It was seven months ago on April fool.

Total of eleven months now from the day we ended. I thought I would never forgive you. I thought I would hate you for what you did to me. I thought our memories will haunt me forever. The fact now is the memories will always be there, always. But it never haunt me. Instead, I still feel happy recalling. I used to stop myself to recall about it because I was afraid to fall in pieces. I was afraid to feel the heartache again. Now, even the love isn't there anymore, these bits of memories are still part of me as a wonderful journey.

A walk to remember, thank you.

Except thank you and sorry, there is no other words I can say to you. I would wish the best for you because I truly believe you deserve the best.

The moment you told me I was the most true person.
We ended in a good way.
And that's the best compliment from you.

I'm a happy girl now. No worries :)

Room sweet room

When I have excessive amount of colour papers from the seniors,

When my fyp doesn't interest me,

Yayyyyy! It's art time! :)

I stay in a single room all by myself which means that I have all the walls! Back in my hometown, I painted my rooms in pink and yellow, have glowing stars pasted around the walls which really looks like I'm in galaxy when the lights off, pastel curtains and small decorations like carousel and aeroplane merry go-around. Not colourful enough, I bought some cute paper arts in the shape of hot air balloon, tortoise, aeroplane and submarine to decorate my wardrobe. Imagine that, my room was so cheerful and alive! 

But in KK, plain wall, plain white wall and plain, empty white wall. No wonder I always feel so reluctant to wake up and so demotivated to do anything in room except sleeping. Here comes the day, I finally can't stand it! ( not really can't stand, it's just it's a better option compare to my fyp)

So, I decorated my room with butterflies and love plants ♥

The overall work :) At least, one side of my wall looks interesting now. It makes me slightly more happy looking at this. Colours help! :)

Little reason to smile #9: Decorated room, awwwwww!

I'm smiling even by just turning myself to the wall, hohohohoho.

The butterflies idea was originated from my elder sis. She did this to her room last time which I'm totally jealous that her room was so nice after a night! So jealous, at the same time, amazed with her creativity of creating butterflies from flat papers. The butterflies are three dimensional! Definitely looks more like a real butterfly.

The love plant is my own idea! I didn't know when I started drawing this love with branch and grass, but I have been drawing this for few years. And I always draw this as a decoration for my scratch book and younger sister school project. How boring am I -________- Not prone to creating new things at all :(

A closer look!

And a much much closer looks! Haaa, I rearrange the butterflies for this pic. I wanted to snap a perfect angle with both love plant and butterfly for my facebook cover photo (the first pic in this post). Hehe, I'm a dedicated unprofessional photographer which take many many snaps of a single thing to satisfy myself :)