His birthday @ Little Italy

It's 1.43am. I had tea which explain why I am still awake. Though usually I'm still awake at this time but the eyes doesnt seems to shut even if I off the lights. So, allow me to blog. Oh, not forgetting I'm out of life in Candy Crush, so the only things I could thought of in this hour is my blog.

It's been reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long since I talk about the daily routine or the recent happening. My blogs are filled with personal thought, words and no picture which makes my blog looks.... dull. Yes, dull.

Now, the recent happening is the monthniversaries (okay, this word doesn't exist). Do they have a term for monthly celebration? I don't know.

So, this is what I did for him. A little thought of mine but took alot of effort. I would say ALOT of effort and I would say determination too.

A simple brekkie ♥

For someone who don't cook like me, effort is definitely there. Well, though I didn't heat the baked beans cause I thought he will be waking up late, maybe 30minutes after I'm done cooking so the baked beans would definitely cool off. So, I skipped that. I also thought of it would be very unhealthy to use oil "just to reheat COOKED baked beans".And well, okay, partly was also because I was lazy to wash the pan twice to reheat the baked bean.

Determination was because I woke up at 8.30am to cook this! I'm proud of myself! For this, I would consider myself a good girlfriend :) I usually woke up at like 12pm? The truth is 1pm. I only wake up at 12pm because he wakes me up. He is a morning person so he will wake up at 9 or 10am. So, in order to have a little surprise for him, I need to wake up earlier than him and cook this and serve this before his eyes are open. 

Turn out, surprise succeeded and he is happy. Good job, yap pui foong :)

You could tell I'm sleepy that I don't even bother changing the illogical "3 months anniversaries" words.

Follow up by the monthniversaries, his birthday! His first birthday celebration with me as a couple. For the actual day of his birthday, we actually celebrated with our coursemates which is also our housemates.It is our final year in KK so I thought it would be better if his birthday could be celebrate with the coursemates since this might be his last celebration with them. Ohh, I sound very understanding. But no, I'm still the demanding girlfriend who wants first priority in boyfriend's heart and mind.  I'm perfectly fine in this case as his coursemates or closest friends in KK are also my coursemates and closest friends in KK. This is the benefits of mutual friends.Not to mention coursemates/closest friends in KK are all our housemates.

For his first birthday, not much of surprise for him :( I have a very solid reason for this. It's really hard to plan a surprise when your boyfriend is your coursemate, housemate and also room mate -________- Tell me how to escape from his sight. And all the people we ever know or close to in KK are all my hsemates. I can't even make any reason like "ohhh, I'm meeting this friend of mine because ...." Not applicable.

The best I could do is bought a present for him from hometown. I bought his birthday present a month earlier when I was still in my hometown, on semester break. Dragged my little sister along to Midvalley by TRAIN, all for his present. I forbidden him to go by saying little sis would feel so awkward. I was almost caught! Because he secretly went to Midvalley with the thought of accompanying me back to Sban. Luckily, luckily, he was late by few minutes and I was in the train by the time he reached. Or else I would be caught holding shopping bag of his present.

On that day itself, another brekkie for birthday boy!

 

Pork bacon with sunny side up eggs sandwiches.

This definitely taste MUCH MORE nicer that it looks! Pork bacon in it ♥ It truly makes wonder :)

(Hotdogs were supposed to looks like Japanese bento octopus look alike hotdog but failed. I guessed I must use cocktails next time or I should cut it slightly more. I, have no talent in cooking hmphhh)

This time, surprise failed. He noticed I'm missing in the bed. So, he came before I was even able to put this in form of sandwiches. All cooking were done. It was just me, taking my own sweet time to wash the dishes. And he just stood beside me saying, "what are you doing?". In my always-calm-expression, I answered "breakfast." In my mind, I was like "why do you wake up so early?!?!!! I woke up at 8.30am and you are waking up at 9am now :("

We have our celebration the next day of his birthday at Little Italy.

Little Italy, famous Italian restaurant in Kota Kinabalu. Of course, when it comes to Italian food, it's all about pizza and pasta! They did renovation but it still looks the same to me. Little Italy always portraits to be very pricey restaurant but it isn't. Pizza price ranges from RM20 to RM30 for small pizzas (9 inches if I'm not mistaken). The pasta cost about RM20 ++ with a wide variety of sauces.

Here's the birthday boy!

The one who feel awkward in front of camera. 

I'm training him to be a good photographer so that he could take good picture of me! I'm growing old and gaining weight so I definitely need some good angle to hide my fat.

This was his best shot on me :) 

Satisfied! ♥

Our starter. A smiley bread (RM8 +-). It's name is complicated. I can't remember and I didn't really know how to pronounced. 

Pizza in small. It's Little Italy (RM20 +-). And, it's super salty -___-

The waiter serve this and said, "This is very salty". It left me wondering if they know that this is very salty, why do they even still serve this? Why don't they decrease the level of saltiness? Or even the slightest, inform me that it's salty when I was ordering. This was really salty. Basically, I took out all the toppings and just ate the base. The base taste perfectly fine :) Then, I came to realize that actually there are people who prefer salty. So, maybe Italian love salty?

 The chicken set. RM35 +-

 Didn't know this was such a big portion. They do gave alot of chicken cutlets. Finishing this was basically almost filled our stomach. 

Dessert dessert ♥ Tiramisu (RM10+-)

I think I'm falling in love with Tiramisu. Whenever, I saw Tiramisu in the dessert list, my eyes goes all blink. It beats all the choco mud cake or ice-cream crepe or caramel something. My eyes just go for Tiramisu. And, Tiramisu sounds pretty. I don't know why it just sounds pretty.

The perfect look for dinner. RM109 in total. 

I know it would be slight helpful to include the price because when I do blog survey on food, I hate that when I have no idea about the price. 

He was overwhelmed with the food?

I hope this stay, as it it.

Listen to Taylor Swift's Back to December and he said,

"It's sad isn't it that she miss her boyfriend."

It was, for that moment, for a period, a long period.

The fact is that there's one moment in my life, I really wish I could go back to December, to fix everything. To hold my tongue, take back my word, I wish I never said I can't stand. I wish I can hold my anger and things will still be the same today like two years back. 2011 Christmas could be still the same. I could still return back to hometown with hope and happiness that time. I would never need to go through the whole past year half alive. I would never need to tears so much, so much I actually wonder will ppl get thirst because of so much fluid flowing out? It would still be the same.

But it's still the same good?

The answer is no.

The same it means, I would still cry if my ex was back late. I would still cry if my ex msg me slower when with friends. I would still be waiting for his call, his msg, his never-going-to-happen webcam and cry if he dont. In the end, I would still cry because of my insecurity. Because I was far apart from him, I felt so vulnerable that I waited him to be with all the time, even just through msg. And this insecurity, nope, to be precise loneliness in me makes me a very needy person. Someone who would cry as if the boyfriend has died even he was just bathing and reply slightly slow.

Break up was undeniably, painful. It was hell.

I never wanted to go through that again. #I pray to God for that.

But break up isnt a bad thing, sometimes. It's not that I had an awful relationship with him. It was still sweet but I realize we are more suitable to be friend. It was fun and light again. When we were relationship, we were bounded with too many things. Too afraid  a slight little action would hurt each other. And things have become too constrained. Long conversation would turn sour, eventually ended up argument. But as friend, we could tease each other again. Conversation were much lighter. We could share about our own relationship and open up like how we used to be. The best of friend.

The truth is we were meant to fall in love with each other but never meant to be together.

And the fact is, if that break up didn happen, I wouldn't have meet the boyfriend now. This guy who always think I didn love him and yet loving me unconditionally. This guy who dont know how to express his word but did it by his small action. He, who gave me a feeling of happiness and no insecurity ("for now").

It's amazing how things work in life. December was the most painful month past two years. But it was replace with happiness last year. Thank you for your 

I'm lucky for all the happiness now.

I hope this stay, as it it.

Yellow

Have you ever look at someone and thought of their colour?
It's just a feeling when you're imagining or looking at the person face, and miraculously, you found some colour for that person.
It is something natural and not just about the colour they like or the most wear colour.

This is something my sis and I do.

Once, she told me I was pink and white to her. And it has been these two colours for very long. I assumed it was because I was always girly. Then, when she see me again this time by February, she said my colour changed. It is now yellow. Because I gave her a bright and bubbly feeling now. She didn't know how to describe it but the colour just change as see me.

I do notice the same change in me.
I am, indeed, happier :)

In the past year, I have struggle too much to appear to be happy. I still remember the day where I was smiling in front of ppl but the next minute, in toilet, I gave a big sigh. And my eyes easily turn red when I listen to just any slow song in the radio. When I drive alone, I gave all out and let the tears flow. I have gone through all this.

Today, I no longer tears for the past. And my smile is the most sincere smile of all. Because I went through the most painful days, the most heartfelt cry and the most bitter smile, my smile today is a true happiness. It feels like you climb a mountain for years and now, I finally reach the top, enjoying the most scenic view. Of course, at times, I look back on the journey I struggle, it was long and painful. But, I have reach the top, I have made it. My journey has made me stronger and grateful.

Maybe this what my sister sees in the yellow.

To the one who didnt know

You didn't know.
But you are the one person
who can make me smile when I wasn't able too.
You are the one person
who can make me smile by just looking at your smile.
I secretly adore this.

Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for your existence.
Thank you for still trying
even though you are unsure.

I lost confident because of my past.
You bring it back.
I lost my smile because of my past.
You bring it back.

You are the person whom I mentioned, has the most charming smile.
You are the person whom I mentioned, at world end, I would said thank you for making me smile in my darkest time.

And you melt my heart,
by smiling silly when you see me.  

Thanks ♥

Sparks

Strange but true.
You may received a skip of heartbeat from the one you may not even love.

Crush? Maybe, perhaps, I'm not even sure.

I have been telling many people about sparks. The chemistry between two persons which is so miracle that I couldn't use any words to describe that magical feeling except for the word, sparks. They don't get it. They called me to describe. It's hard to describe unless you really feel it. If you insist, I may said it's a glimpse of sweetness mixed with happiness and you just feel like your feet are lifting on the skies. Pure light weighted of yourself with slight increase of heartbeat. It's truly a magical feeling.

It doesn't really involve love. Love is a heavy word, for me at least. I never used the word love on someone unless of course, when I'm very sure. Or maybe after we went through a thousand moment of sparks? Hahahhaaha!

For me, I have encounter this moment of sparks with many different person. It's all different situations and it may happen to the same person again (only to the person I'm close with). Yes, sometimes I may even confuse, am I really falling for this person? Or maybe crush? I can't tell. I didn't want to think too much and most of the time, I will just enjoy this sparks.

There was once I was working on a project. This person whom I'm quite close with at that moment, came to  offer help. He wasn't really helping much actually. He was basically just sitting next to me and chat with me. Then, we started teasing each other. He said that I'm dumb in doing things (everything practical, I'm dumb, I admit) and I protested till death and denied and yet, helpless doing dumb thing which I cant explain either. And he helped out with his teasing look upon my stupidity. It was really something there as I actually can't resist smiling when he said I was dumb. A slight sparks I would said. What else if I could still feel slight of happy when I was being insult. Maybe because of the quiet environment and they were only two of us there that lead to this something.

There was once I was quite tired because I was walking here and there doing something. While I rest, leaning on a table, this person came and smiled. Well, he has the most comforting smile ever :) He asked whether am I tired. Undoubtedly a yes and I said my shoes was too flat that cause my leg pain. Then, the most amazing thing happen!! He gently pulled my leg, take off my shoes and massage my foot. OMG how can I don't feel anything? I WAS SERIOUSLY VERY TOUCH :'( Okay, maybe it was a wrong feeling of mine, isn't sparks but plain touch but but but it's still, I can't describe. I was stun. I didn't even react. I just look at him, massaging my foot. I really never expect something like this from him because he was never a caring person. That moment still remain as a part of the sweetest memories now. It's still unbelievable till now.

And there are some moments which is just very short but delivers a comforting feelings. Moment like a person lend his hand to you when your hand are cold. Moment like a person pat on your head. Moment like a person would help you to take something just so you don't need to bend down. Moment like a person walk behind you to become your pillar when you fall. Moment like a person help you cut something because afraid of you will get cut. All this may or may not be sparks. But it makes one appreciates.

I don't think I fell for them even for all the this sparks. I don't think I fell for them for all this comfort feelings. Till this moment, I'm conscious that they are my friends and no extra feelings. I just enjoy these moments but it doesnt involve love.

Strange. And one always said you fall in love because you have extra heartbeat for someone.
But I'm conscious enough to tell the difference.

Thank you to you

I really did fall for you, I really did.

The fact that today, even we are no longer together, I'm happy that I did fell for you.

We used to have arguments when we were together. Arguments about something that I don't even remember  now. Funny it is but I'm sure I was really angry and upset when we argued. But now, I don't remember what the arguing was all about. Maybe, as an overall, yes, I know why. But the specific things we argued about, I no longer can recall (even I always said I have a powerful memory).

Just now when I look upon on my wall, I saw the butterflies decoration I did, irrelevantly, I recalled about you. It was a sudden memory. I remember the mushroom artwork I did for you. And I remember how your old house wall looks as white as my room wall now. I recalled the happy image of myself when I'm with you. I was young, naive and I was really happy.

I did, I did passed through a period when I thought I couldn't even afford to smile anymore. It was so hard that the pain in heart could never be describe. I was so fragile that the tears is just there on eyes. I was, I was so vulnerable that I didn't know what can I do to lift myself up. It was seven months ago on April fool.

Total of eleven months now from the day we ended. I thought I would never forgive you. I thought I would hate you for what you did to me. I thought our memories will haunt me forever. The fact now is the memories will always be there, always. But it never haunt me. Instead, I still feel happy recalling. I used to stop myself to recall about it because I was afraid to fall in pieces. I was afraid to feel the heartache again. Now, even the love isn't there anymore, these bits of memories are still part of me as a wonderful journey.

A walk to remember, thank you.

Except thank you and sorry, there is no other words I can say to you. I would wish the best for you because I truly believe you deserve the best.

The moment you told me I was the most true person.
We ended in a good way.
And that's the best compliment from you.

I'm a happy girl now. No worries :)

Room sweet room

When I have excessive amount of colour papers from the seniors,

When my fyp doesn't interest me,

Yayyyyy! It's art time! :)

I stay in a single room all by myself which means that I have all the walls! Back in my hometown, I painted my rooms in pink and yellow, have glowing stars pasted around the walls which really looks like I'm in galaxy when the lights off, pastel curtains and small decorations like carousel and aeroplane merry go-around. Not colourful enough, I bought some cute paper arts in the shape of hot air balloon, tortoise, aeroplane and submarine to decorate my wardrobe. Imagine that, my room was so cheerful and alive! 

But in KK, plain wall, plain white wall and plain, empty white wall. No wonder I always feel so reluctant to wake up and so demotivated to do anything in room except sleeping. Here comes the day, I finally can't stand it! ( not really can't stand, it's just it's a better option compare to my fyp)

So, I decorated my room with butterflies and love plants ♥

The overall work :) At least, one side of my wall looks interesting now. It makes me slightly more happy looking at this. Colours help! :)

Little reason to smile #9: Decorated room, awwwwww!

I'm smiling even by just turning myself to the wall, hohohohoho.

The butterflies idea was originated from my elder sis. She did this to her room last time which I'm totally jealous that her room was so nice after a night! So jealous, at the same time, amazed with her creativity of creating butterflies from flat papers. The butterflies are three dimensional! Definitely looks more like a real butterfly.

The love plant is my own idea! I didn't know when I started drawing this love with branch and grass, but I have been drawing this for few years. And I always draw this as a decoration for my scratch book and younger sister school project. How boring am I -________- Not prone to creating new things at all :(

A closer look!

And a much much closer looks! Haaa, I rearrange the butterflies for this pic. I wanted to snap a perfect angle with both love plant and butterfly for my facebook cover photo (the first pic in this post). Hehe, I'm a dedicated unprofessional photographer which take many many snaps of a single thing to satisfy myself :)