Friendship

After months of hesitation and a week of dilemma,
I FINALLY did it.


And, I felt relieved. 


TanMingMing posted, "We all will have some friends that we will never let go no matter what."


Yes, I do. I know very well who I treasure the most as my friend. I know who I wanted to keep in my life and see how they grow old. Look at their wrinkles and compare to mine, have a laugh while having teatime. I wanted to see them, the friends that I treasure most.


I don't want to feel regret in my future if I didn't took this step today. Bad things might happen between friends. But I believe, it took courage to bring two friends back. Someone have to make a move. I made this move today so I could have this friend back to my life.


So, I could now happily said I own the best best best BFF in the world no matter how odd or how strange personality you guys have (or I have).


I don't have many ten years to build another strong friendship. So, I start treasure.

Sandakan - Day Ⅰ

Back to the little town that I couldn't believe I would adore it so much, Sandakan.

This was three months ago. When I look at the little town from the plane, I was thinking "ohh myy, how I put myself in this little town with so much greenies and no high rise building. I'm a city girl who loves to shop. I should be back to hometown." I love island but there was no island there. I love shopping but there was nothing about buying cheap clothes or bags there. So, what they basically have is FOOD! At the most affordable pice you can't imagine!

Journey starts at 6am from KK. I woke up at 5am. Barely get any sleep due to 5hours of karaoke madness till 3am thanks to the two gentleman in black and the lady at far right.


So, me, singsing, setefun san, yuenyuen and jiun, with camera girl ah lui (farica), and TT san waiting for us in Sandakan are members of this Sandakan trip.

Reached Sandakan, still under the morning Sun, all we could think of was FOOD. We were so so so so so hungry at that time! I rmber well as I'm the one who actually feeling so hungry more than anyone! (I usually dont get hungry.)



This was our first meal! Tan kung mee or spring noodles. It's at whatever placed they called village on the water. Because the hse or restaurant were actually on the sea.



Sandakan famous century egg ravioli. Well, I like this ♥ because i love century eggs!

Then, headed to some tourist attraction places. This is cliche.

1st Stop: English Tea House

It's a good place to have high tea, I believe. These cake they served looks tempting and it's a good environment. You can really get the atmosphere of being in old English film, drinking so tea and have some conversation with friends. You know, those laces with large hat.

2nd Stop: Agnes Keith House

Located next to English Tea House. Nothing special there. Yet, we stay there long enough as we were so comfy with the super cold aircond. It's terribly hot in Sandakan!

3rd Stop: St. Michael Church

We were unfortunate that there was function in the church or else we could go in. I'd never been to a real church before!

4th Stop: The temple that I dont rmber the name or they didn tell me.

You could see the whole Sandakan up there.











You can really tell how friendly is the Sun from the pic. Look at the picture! It's over exposed most of the time. Believe me, I did editing to lower the brightness. We barely able to open our eyes. Omg, it's crazy! And every shot of the pic we take, it's a quick one. No one wins the mighty Sun. Cheers, we were melting!

This is what we said most of the time, "So hot, so hot, so hot, aircondddd!"

And TT san got what we meant, he drove us for ice-creammmmmm :) He is the best person! Ice-cream, yes, my favouriteeee! Double favourite on sunny day.

5th Stop: 7Heavens (Indeed, heaven!)

 Ohhhh, loveee ♥ This taste really great! It's not really ice-cream, it's frozen yogurt to be exact. Mango frozen yogurt. Though this is not what I order, I still love this and wish I ordered this! This belong to Setefun san. I almost intend to grab his (the evil plan on my mind) :(

This beautiful looking frozen yogurt with lots of choco crunch which named is Triple Choco is mine. I know I shouldn't ordered this because I wasn't fond to chocolate. But still insist because of it's nice looking. Well, this is definitely more photogenic than the mango one. 

I didn't regret as you see, it looks so nice in the picture!



If I'm not mistaken, if my memory was still right, this is Mango parfait ordered by ah lui. I actually wanna ordered this too because again, I go for good looks. But ah lui said we could share to solve my indecisive mind. Ended up, still that mango frozen yogurt the best haha!

Then, back to hotel for short nap.

6th Stop: DINNER! 

At some place called village on water again. I guessed so. Oh well, they didn really tell me where are we going. I was confused all the time.

What I know is.....I might start to fell in love with seafooooood!





So enormous! You can't get that in KK!

See happy ah lui when she see the seafood!

During the night time,



We get some alcohol and cards.
And yah, drunk.

The first day ended.

Today is the best present

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationship we are afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make."


Ppl like to ask question like, "What will you do if today is the last day of Earth?"


The most top answer, "I will confessed to the person I love." 


Farica told me that she dont really think that these ppl who answer this will do this when it comes to the last day of Earth. They will eventually find a way to survive as human nature do. She will find a way to survive. 


Well then I told her, you're lucky because you're at a state of life that if you die today (*touchwood* long live farica!), you will have no regret of what you have done. You're at a state of life that you're contended with what you're having now. So lucky.


Them, on the other hand, still hold back on their courage in pursuing their love. Yet, It's happy to know that everyone actually have hope in their life. They have someone they love/ like but dont have the courage to move a step forward. Still a good thing since they have this special someone in their heart.


Meanwhile, for me, my answer was spontaneous in mind. There are two things that I would love to do. Firstly, I would told A (someone), I never think that you are a bad person. Second, to B, you didn't realized this but you are one person who make me smile when I'm in my lowest. Thank you for your existence in my dark time. Your little act bring sweetness to my heart.


Everyday I'm living without wanting myself to regret in future. I cant correct the past. But I'm proud of myself that I did something in the past that I will have no regret in future. Because I know, I gave my best in fixing it. And for that, I wont regret anymore. Thanks to myself I took the courage though it was an ugly step. Yet, it worth.


I'm looking forward for my future :)
And the beginning is always present.

Sharing is caring

To let people care about you, it's actually being fair to them.

We always want to be a strong person. To go through everything by our own. Never be dependent on people. Try to be tough, try to act tough and think we are tough. At time when we are weak, we won't want to give up.

We think that to go through ourselve is a less burden to other people. That's why some people dont't share. Dont talk about themselves. So people around them wont need to worried about them.

But this isn't fair to people who care about us.

Because, people who care about us want to know what happen. They care, they dont want to face your fake smile. They care, they want to know. They may be worried. But they are more worried if they can see through your eyes and yet, you are not telling.

To hide from them is denying their help. To make them feel helpless, it's the worst thing you could do to ppl who care about you.

In Glee, there was a lady with OCD. She attend psychological therapy. She told the Dr.,I dont need help because this is me. I have OCD, this is me. I dont want to change because this is me. Then, the Dr respond, this is not you. You can't say we dont need to help a diabetes patient because this is what the patient is.

The Dr continued, "I was suffered with depression when I divorced with my husband. I'm like you, I think I dont need help. You know how I recovered? I start to recover when I realized I need help."

I couldn't agree more.

When I gone through something bad in my life. I always think that I should go through it alone because I want to be a tough girl, never want to be dependent on ppl. I dont want to be a baby, searching for comfort everywhere. I dont want to be vulnerable. I dont want to cry. I just want to hide myself and go through it alone. Even to the closest friend and sister, I fake a smile and bottled up feelings.

Till one day, I couldnt anymore. I was in my most vulnerable state (I hate how it was). I realized I couldnt do it anymore. I seek for help. Alot of help. From the closest friend, sister and friends. Never in my entire life I'm so open to so many ppl.

But it do feels ALOT BETTER. You can never imagine the support and how these ppl make you feel. I can only say they are amazing. They are all amazing people in my life that I really, really wish they can stay happy everyday and wish the best for them. I would never forget the things that they'd told me. Warm my heart and touch for the rest of my life.

"I will feel annoyed when people told me about their stories. But, believe me, I will never feel annoyed by your stories. You can find me everyday and tell me. I will go through with you."

"I never blame you. Because I know you will always choose the right thing."

"You will be hurt. It's painful. There is no way we can heal you. But we can accompany you more to make you feel better."

"You always cheer me up. Even you didnt say it out, I know you are sad. Please let me cheer you up also."

There is always a little tears when I recall all this word.

Thank you for being in my life :)

I do believe now, sharing your problem with someone (not everyone) makes you feel a lot easier than going through it alone.

很愛過

For you,

Just wanted to say,

Thank you for everything you had did for me.

A hard lesson.

In the past month, I may have attend the biggest lesson in my life. Something that really change me, change my thinking. Today, standing at this position, I feel like I have grow up a decade. I was often labelled as a little kid to those who knows me well. Today, I'm still that little kid. At least, that is what ppl said. But I realized one thing, I laughed harder than I was before.

I learn to appreciate happiness.

For I know very well, it is not easy to gain. I fell into a pieces when he threw me from his life. I was at the most vulnerable stage of my life. I know what is pain and tears. I cried and cried. I cried when I know it wont make a difference. I cried when I know it is the only things that makes the heart feel better. I cried for self pitying myself, for not believing what had happen to me. I cried for why God give me this hard way, why must I go through this. I cried for I don't know what I can do to make my days better. I cried as I really thought it was the end my hope, believe, trust and everything. I cried for insecurity in myself.

Today, I am not completely heal.

For I believe this person will not step out in my life so easily. I am not completely heal for I wasn't a person who can fell in love so easily. I am not completely heal for once I treasured this rship before. I am not completely heal for I am a person who appreciate things though it is not there anymore.

So, it is just me.

And, deep down, I'm still afraid of being too happy. As I'm afraid the next minute, God might just take it away. This is the little guilt living in me. I don't dare to live in a comfort zone anymore. I just simply don't want that comfort zone anymore.

A hard lesson changed someone :)

The song.

There are some moments in your life that will be keep playing in your mind like a song.

Replay, replay, replay.

Lyrics of your memories.

Rhythm of your life.

And these sweet memories, you can't escape from smiling.

♥

男人男人多希望你是好人

多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼