To the one who didnt know

You didn't know.
But you are the one person
who can make me smile when I wasn't able too.
You are the one person
who can make me smile by just looking at your smile.
I secretly adore this.

Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for your existence.
Thank you for still trying
even though you are unsure.

I lost confident because of my past.
You bring it back.
I lost my smile because of my past.
You bring it back.

You are the person whom I mentioned, has the most charming smile.
You are the person whom I mentioned, at world end, I would said thank you for making me smile in my darkest time.

And you melt my heart,
by smiling silly when you see me.  

Thanks ♥

Sparks

Strange but true.
You may received a skip of heartbeat from the one you may not even love.

Crush? Maybe, perhaps, I'm not even sure.

I have been telling many people about sparks. The chemistry between two persons which is so miracle that I couldn't use any words to describe that magical feeling except for the word, sparks. They don't get it. They called me to describe. It's hard to describe unless you really feel it. If you insist, I may said it's a glimpse of sweetness mixed with happiness and you just feel like your feet are lifting on the skies. Pure light weighted of yourself with slight increase of heartbeat. It's truly a magical feeling.

It doesn't really involve love. Love is a heavy word, for me at least. I never used the word love on someone unless of course, when I'm very sure. Or maybe after we went through a thousand moment of sparks? Hahahhaaha!

For me, I have encounter this moment of sparks with many different person. It's all different situations and it may happen to the same person again (only to the person I'm close with). Yes, sometimes I may even confuse, am I really falling for this person? Or maybe crush? I can't tell. I didn't want to think too much and most of the time, I will just enjoy this sparks.

There was once I was working on a project. This person whom I'm quite close with at that moment, came to  offer help. He wasn't really helping much actually. He was basically just sitting next to me and chat with me. Then, we started teasing each other. He said that I'm dumb in doing things (everything practical, I'm dumb, I admit) and I protested till death and denied and yet, helpless doing dumb thing which I cant explain either. And he helped out with his teasing look upon my stupidity. It was really something there as I actually can't resist smiling when he said I was dumb. A slight sparks I would said. What else if I could still feel slight of happy when I was being insult. Maybe because of the quiet environment and they were only two of us there that lead to this something.

There was once I was quite tired because I was walking here and there doing something. While I rest, leaning on a table, this person came and smiled. Well, he has the most comforting smile ever :) He asked whether am I tired. Undoubtedly a yes and I said my shoes was too flat that cause my leg pain. Then, the most amazing thing happen!! He gently pulled my leg, take off my shoes and massage my foot. OMG how can I don't feel anything? I WAS SERIOUSLY VERY TOUCH :'( Okay, maybe it was a wrong feeling of mine, isn't sparks but plain touch but but but it's still, I can't describe. I was stun. I didn't even react. I just look at him, massaging my foot. I really never expect something like this from him because he was never a caring person. That moment still remain as a part of the sweetest memories now. It's still unbelievable till now.

And there are some moments which is just very short but delivers a comforting feelings. Moment like a person lend his hand to you when your hand are cold. Moment like a person pat on your head. Moment like a person would help you to take something just so you don't need to bend down. Moment like a person walk behind you to become your pillar when you fall. Moment like a person help you cut something because afraid of you will get cut. All this may or may not be sparks. But it makes one appreciates.

I don't think I fell for them even for all the this sparks. I don't think I fell for them for all this comfort feelings. Till this moment, I'm conscious that they are my friends and no extra feelings. I just enjoy these moments but it doesnt involve love.

Strange. And one always said you fall in love because you have extra heartbeat for someone.
But I'm conscious enough to tell the difference.

Thank you to you

I really did fall for you, I really did.

The fact that today, even we are no longer together, I'm happy that I did fell for you.

We used to have arguments when we were together. Arguments about something that I don't even remember  now. Funny it is but I'm sure I was really angry and upset when we argued. But now, I don't remember what the arguing was all about. Maybe, as an overall, yes, I know why. But the specific things we argued about, I no longer can recall (even I always said I have a powerful memory).

Just now when I look upon on my wall, I saw the butterflies decoration I did, irrelevantly, I recalled about you. It was a sudden memory. I remember the mushroom artwork I did for you. And I remember how your old house wall looks as white as my room wall now. I recalled the happy image of myself when I'm with you. I was young, naive and I was really happy.

I did, I did passed through a period when I thought I couldn't even afford to smile anymore. It was so hard that the pain in heart could never be describe. I was so fragile that the tears is just there on eyes. I was, I was so vulnerable that I didn't know what can I do to lift myself up. It was seven months ago on April fool.

Total of eleven months now from the day we ended. I thought I would never forgive you. I thought I would hate you for what you did to me. I thought our memories will haunt me forever. The fact now is the memories will always be there, always. But it never haunt me. Instead, I still feel happy recalling. I used to stop myself to recall about it because I was afraid to fall in pieces. I was afraid to feel the heartache again. Now, even the love isn't there anymore, these bits of memories are still part of me as a wonderful journey.

A walk to remember, thank you.

Except thank you and sorry, there is no other words I can say to you. I would wish the best for you because I truly believe you deserve the best.

The moment you told me I was the most true person.
We ended in a good way.
And that's the best compliment from you.

I'm a happy girl now. No worries :)

Room sweet room

When I have excessive amount of colour papers from the seniors,

When my fyp doesn't interest me,

Yayyyyy! It's art time! :)

I stay in a single room all by myself which means that I have all the walls! Back in my hometown, I painted my rooms in pink and yellow, have glowing stars pasted around the walls which really looks like I'm in galaxy when the lights off, pastel curtains and small decorations like carousel and aeroplane merry go-around. Not colourful enough, I bought some cute paper arts in the shape of hot air balloon, tortoise, aeroplane and submarine to decorate my wardrobe. Imagine that, my room was so cheerful and alive! 

But in KK, plain wall, plain white wall and plain, empty white wall. No wonder I always feel so reluctant to wake up and so demotivated to do anything in room except sleeping. Here comes the day, I finally can't stand it! ( not really can't stand, it's just it's a better option compare to my fyp)

So, I decorated my room with butterflies and love plants ♥

The overall work :) At least, one side of my wall looks interesting now. It makes me slightly more happy looking at this. Colours help! :)

Little reason to smile #9: Decorated room, awwwwww!

I'm smiling even by just turning myself to the wall, hohohohoho.

The butterflies idea was originated from my elder sis. She did this to her room last time which I'm totally jealous that her room was so nice after a night! So jealous, at the same time, amazed with her creativity of creating butterflies from flat papers. The butterflies are three dimensional! Definitely looks more like a real butterfly.

The love plant is my own idea! I didn't know when I started drawing this love with branch and grass, but I have been drawing this for few years. And I always draw this as a decoration for my scratch book and younger sister school project. How boring am I -________- Not prone to creating new things at all :(

A closer look!

And a much much closer looks! Haaa, I rearrange the butterflies for this pic. I wanted to snap a perfect angle with both love plant and butterfly for my facebook cover photo (the first pic in this post). Hehe, I'm a dedicated unprofessional photographer which take many many snaps of a single thing to satisfy myself :)

The Last

I tried hard to avoid you in my mind.

"Acceptance is the bitter pills that one have to swallow everyday to leave yesterday sorrow. No one heal by digging it deeper."

But sometimes, I would just wish I could stop being strong for a while. I wish I could just reminisced it for a while though it hurts. Sometimes, I just wish, wish to let those memories flow out a little bit, I'm tired of holding and fighting it. Just be weak for an hour, cry, to go on for the next day. Can I?

The bonding

At time in our life, there will be a stage where we start walking further away from our family. Teenage. It was when we were start growing up from a child. We start to be very close with our friends, tell them things more than to our family. Thinks that our family didn't understand what we had in our mind, our thought. We talk about what we wanna do in our future, how fun it would be hanging out with friends when ever we like, as much time as we can, no curfew. We wanted that freedom, a loose string from the family.

I remember when they asked which finger you favored most. I choose the index finger. A pyschology test again. It represent friends. It  means that I treasure friend the most of all other relationship. The thumb represent family, middle finger represent yourselves, ring finger of course to your lover and finally, the pinky represent children. I remember my dad choose the thumb and my mum choose pinky. I didn't understand at that time, how come, how come they dont choose index finger? I mean, we used that finger the most. Psychologically, I put my friends in the first priority at that time. To my parent, indeed, family was the most important at their stage of life.

Last time, I didn't understand how come people treasure family more. Now, I have an answer to it. It was because I was still young.

At our teen, we didn't really go through many things. We were just growing up from a child who use to say "don't want friend you!" to a friend, then be friend back the next day, had silly argument (a fight over eraser?) and the cycle goes. We were that immature as a child. We grew up to have sincere and close friend who we know we are friends no matter what argument it is. That friends might annoyed us, yet we were make friends and talk a lot about ourselves. We share secrets and give opinions based on our own teenage thinking.

As we grow older, as we go through more and more sour things, we tend to turn back to our family, our parent. Although we didn't share a single things with them, no heart to heart talk, we would still feel the bonding.

When something bad happen to me, I never tell them a single thing. I never cry in front of them, not my parent, not my sisters. It's not because I didn't want to share. It's not because I'm not close to them. It's because the least thing I can do for them, it's to make them not to worry about me. It's a heartfelt that I didn't want to trouble my family, I didn't want them to know I am sad or I go through shit because I know they will be more unhappy than anyone in this world to see me sad. It's a natural obligations as a daughter, a part of the family to want your family be happy. What can they do if they know I'm sad? They will just feel helpless. And knowing that they are helpless make you feel worse because of the guilt. The guilt to make them sad for you are the reason.

I would rather to see they are happy. At least, the pain in heart cure a little to see the smile of your family members. At least, the hidden pain worth it because you know your family wanted you to be happy. Deep down you know, they wish the best for you more than anyone. And you will know, they support you.

I want to be happy for I know, they truly wish this for me.
This is the bonding of a family that I start to feel it.

Photographs

When I didn't know how to start my final year project,
I decided to blog.

It's been the six week since my return to KK, for my last year.
And, I have been slacking since day.
Caught up more than 50 episodes of Running Man.
Start the habit to utilize You tube for some new random song.
Going back to the old habit, searching vintage photograph in deviantart.

And this is the life of a desperate final year student waiting to graduate *fingercrossed*

The desire to blog today is I want to share the lovely vintage pic I found from deviantart!

*whoever the owner of the photograph, please just let me share your work. It's too beautiful to be kept for yourself.

Photograph #1: The tea cup with flora

Simply sweet. I always wish that my future home can be fill with all kind of vintage tea sets. Then, I can serve lovely cupcakes and small cut cakes with those tea sets for high tea session awwwwww ♥

Photograph #2: The home ambush in pink land

It's like a fairy tale home in cotton candy land. Really nice edited pic.


These photographs are calming. It gave me good mood! :)

Photograph #3: White Horse

This photograph remind me of a personality test I did.

Imagine you are in wide green land. There is a horse beside you. Describe the how the horse looks like.
Suddenly, storm came, what did the horse do?

My answer was the horse I saw was a white horse. Very charming, the fur was very beautiful. He was standing steadily. But the storm came, he was scare and ran off.

This personality test is actually testing your impression toward your lover. The horse represent your lover. The way you describe the horse is your impression toward your lover. Storm came represent problem. The reaction of the horse indicate what your lover do when there is a problem.

Just a personality test. Dont take it so seriously. Dont cry if you answer the horse die when the storm came hahaha.