A story of Star.

A short story to share.

We were both young when we met, at age of 10. We were never close nor get along well. It was 12 when you start following my footsteps before I even realized. Till when I'm 13, you told me that you like a girl. I guess the name of the girl. Never came across my mind that it will be me, but it just happen this way. I was shocked and walked away. You came back telling me that you might one day die for this girl. I kept silent. The day after, I forgot about this as you are never a serious person. Then you came to tell me to forget what you had said. And I did it.

Six months after your confession when things seems to be fade away, I heard things from friends that you think my eyes were pretty. You are afraid too look at my eyes as you scare you will fall for me. That moment I realized you might still like me. And at the same time, I did fell for you. You came to tell me you have a new target, a new girl that you like. I was sad but still keeping a slight hope that it was me. Like before, I guess the name of the girl, but this time you never tell me who it was. Instead, you tell my close friend who it was. It was actually me. I was really happy that time yet I didn make a move forward. You told my friend a story, a magnet story, that no matter how two magnets trying to be pull apart, they will always be attracted and goes back together. No matter how hard, it will goes back together, attraction forces, referring to your feeling towards me.

And you told my friend too that wherever you walk, you will meet me just so coincidentally. I didn realized. When I heard this, I do start to count the time we meet coincidentally. And to my surprise, it was true =) Each time when I reach sch, I see you walking in front of me. Just each time. Each time I went to toilet, you will be at the other end of the class, coming out the same time as I was. Each time I walk at a corridor, you will be walking at some corridor at upper level. I remember I did the counting and it was almost a hundred times.

Yet, this year ends without anything happen.

We were then 14. A new starting of school and my feelings toward you was no longer there after two months of sch break. It thought what happening between us was just a crush. And I have new a crush with this guy and you always tease me with him. We went for a trip together. You were so close with my friend and weirdly, I got jealous. At night, we went for a walk together with all others. They were so busy with their shopping and we have this moment together. It was raining. My head got drip with water and you pulled me aside. I rmber the way you look at me very well, you look at me very deep. I can see through your eyes that you still have this feeling for me. And I know too, I fell for you again. After that night, I got sick. Heal from sick and it was back to our normal day again.

At 15, we were just like normal friends. Now, we always have activities together. You were the leader of my team. We spent most of the evening together. There was once you were sick and I got really concern. I get medicine for you. Then you was afraid that you wasn't a good leader and I tried to convince. But it didn work out. I felt disappointed that I wasn't the one who can cheer you up. I have some feelings for you but I guess it is just not the case for you. And I let go.

At 16, we went for a sch trip. This time you sat with me in the bus. You burned song that I wanted so much. So, we share the same walkman and hear the song for the whole journey. During the night, we have a dinner. I dressed in white dress. I came out from my room and you were looking at me with some mesmerize looks. I can never forget because this feeling is the best feeling ever. I'm totally convinced that I look good with the way you look at me. But later, I have a crush toward a guy I meet at this trip. The feeling with you was disconnected again. I always though we were just friend.

At 17, things were all usual. Our status was friend. No feelings, I'm sure till an event. You screwed something in that event. You was so afraid, so afraid. So, we managed to settle thing by the help of many ppl. When that trouble was settle, you came to me and give me a big hug. I was very shocked. I look at you and asked are you okay. You told you were and walked away. When you hugged me, my heart beats very fast. And because of this hug, I know very well I will be forever stuck with you. For I have fell for you again and again, for so many times and all these years. From that hug, I could tell. Months later, in my friend hse, you were there as well. A song play out and you sang to me. It was the first song you sang to me. And till now, that song is heart warming. In the time later, I decided to tell you how I feel. And I did.

And what I found out is all these years, you were trying so hard to be friend with me. All these years, you were still loving me from the first day you confessed. You thought I didn't have the same feeling toward you.

In the end, we are finally together after 5years of puzzling.

From the story: You will never know who you fall in love with. In time, you may think that this person wasn't the one. But you will just never know. If you do not believe in yourselves. Believe in your feelings. If you could fall in love with a person again and again. Then, it's no longer crush. It must have been love. No crush could last longer than years. And waiting is just wasting time. You never know how the other person feel if you never make a move.

Heart balloons

I rmber you telling me that you always give me heart balloons and force me do no chores =)

This little thing, I still rmber. And feel sweet though I no longer own it.

Thanks for the memories ♥

The sky above.

I just hate to be in bad mood. When ever I'm in bad mood, what ever that come across my sight just become so insightful no matter how adorable things are, how tasty food is, how wonderful quotes means and how nicely the song sounds, IT JUST MAKE ME UNHAPPY! Yes, I'm mad. I'm literally mad at anything! Or simply nothing! Good, the pms strikes me. Took all over my soul and every hormones. Me is just no longer Yap Pui Foong.

I came through this stupid quotes that may sounds very enlighten to most ppl but for this particular moment, I just find it annoying.

Yes, we don't always need to pretend strong. We don't need to prove ppl that we are the mighty dinosaur that are not afraid of the sky falling. But if you are crying in front of ppl everyday, ppl will just think that you are pathetic attention seeker that are so vulnerable that can even stand upon your own feet. Try finding a person and tell him/her all your depression story and cry your lung out to express yourselves. Talk to him/ her everyday and cry, cry, cry. I bet in a week him/ her will be missing in fb and you will forever see him/ her offline!

We pretend all time because we have to. Because that is the only thing we feel that is so secure. We want that mask so ppl could look at us as a happy person and treat us the same as all happy ppl out there. We do not want to cry because we don't want any special attention that would make us so weak. We do not want to cry because we do want to depend on a third party to stand up. We pretend all that so we can be a person we wanted to be so much, so desperately.

And most importantly, we pretend to be so fine because we don't want ppl to concern so that we do not need to tell the sad story again.

It's not that we don't want to cry. It's just crying is tiring too.

Minions in action

Little reason to smile *correction to LAUGH #5: Watching these Minions!

Despicable Me creator did a great job. They make all the kids hippy looking at these minions. And they make adults giggles when ever we heard the minions giggles. So, everyone is happy with the minions. The creators may go to heaven now =)

Randomly spotted this mini movie in Youtube and I can't believe I actually enjoy and giggle out loud when watching this. I usually don't like watching dumb video where something like mouse or squirrel or whatever creature chasing over something as this kind of short video always end up with the SAME ending, that is the thing they are chasing is GONE. And then, the chaser will be devastated and eventually a new target will appear and they will start chasing over it again. This mini movie was pretty much of that but these MINIONS MAKE IT CUTE!

MUST WATCH!

Hrmm, I was not quite in the mood today and I just feel like staying at home, doing completely nothing. What I mean doing completely nothing is I don't even feel like walking to the toilet to pee. I just feel like lying on a sofa or my bed and breath. Sounds pathetic so I drag myself up and came to blog. I'm surprise that my fingers are functioning well in typing and my brain start constructing nonsense. Yet, I dont feel good. Just every month, there will be a period when I get really moody. I guess this is the start of that duration. Oh goshhhh, bless me with an aim. Enlighten me please =( I think I should just watch this mini movie again and again to make myself a happier kid =/

Toddles!

Kenangan Terindah

Appreciate is the word that I never learn =)

It's true that I am so stubborn. It's true that I took things for granted. It's true that I assumed everything that you did were something you should. It's true that I was being so unfair to you. It's true that you are the victim. And to realize now, sorry is just ain't enough. Sorry doesn't turns things back. Sorry can only be a word to regret for your past and hopefully, make a difference in future.

And this is what I learn now, appreciation.

The past memories were so happy and vivid. But it turns into scars when everything turns up side down. It turns into something I was so afraid of. It's a past I used to treasure so much, so much, so precious. Yet, I make all these my scars and a cause to my tears. Something can't be forgot for both good and bad.

But I realized, I can't make this memories as my scars. It can't be my phobia. It has to be some precious memories. It can't be change even to now and it will not. Definitely not.

Instead of thinking this as my scars, I will keep it as the best memories =)

And I truly understand this now.

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang telah hilang darimu

Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun

Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu, kutemukan hidupku,

Bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang telah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangang yang terindah

I always sing thins song last time but never felt so deeply as now.

"As long as my eyes are open, till my heart stop beating,

As long as that,I will afford to miss you.

If what written for me, it's the best for you.

I will make you as my memories, the best one in my life.

It will not be easy for me to leave your life

What that has been craved will always the best memories."

And, I always believe in this.

Sometimes, if you truly love someone, you have to let them go their own way. And if it's true love, it will find it's way back to you.

♥

Random moments

It has been a moody week. I hope I can get right back to track. Find a little thing to smile at. So, I was going through the pictures of me with TanMingMing in PD and look what I've got.

Silly, random face mimic.

I was exploring the function of my new camera and discovered an awesome setting name e-portrait. This e-portrait setting is especially for camwhore lover like us which turn the camera in all sorts of degree just to take a lovely pics of our face. And this setting makes our skin looking FLAWLESS! When I found this, I was like "OMGGGG, you know this setting is sosososososo AWESOME!". Then, TanMingMing and I were so excited and took all this random shot. Hehe, lovely!

My skin is flawless, owhhhhh finally! *imsotouch*

And then, a brilliant idea came to my mind.

That is . . . playing with panorama!

HO-HO-HO! I'm brilliant! See how perfectly I post at every stop =) But the stitching slightly off =/

Here's TanMingMing shot.

Almost there but miss the second one. The first attempt was really funny. I called her to run to a side and stop whenever I tell her. And she was like... RUNNING LEFT AND RIGHT ALL THE TIME! -____________- You think you are calling for fire aaa?

This is the result for running aimlessly!

Okay la, still not that bad.

Little reason to smile #4: Doing random silly things!

Enjoy the moment and have a great laugh =)

The darkness

I wasnt suprise that I'm not afraid of dark now. Today, new challenge comes to life again, just every time I'm in KK, something new will happen to test my independence and to conquer fear. The whole hse was in dark now because hse owner forgot to pay electric bill. Rush under the rain to the Sabah Electricity Center and paid up the bill. Back home, it was still dark. They promised to fix it at 5pm but it's still the same till now.

Last semester when my car tyre tore off, I find a way to fix it all by myself. Realizing there is no single number you can call when you're in trouble, it's sad. But I manage to fix my car tyre by asking help from stranger, I'm proud of myself that I made it. I'm more independent. This time, another problem came. But I wasn't that impressed with myself anymore. The feeling has change. In my mind, I'm no longer proud whether I can be independent or not. It doesn't matter because after all I have to do it myself. This is what I have to do. Nothing to do with independent, it's just something you can't ask help for. I realized that.

Back home, it's all dark and I'm not even worried that I'm alone. I had gone through a darker road, I would not be afraid of dark anymore. I bath in dark with no single fear. It's just how amazing painful experience can influence someone in life. You will no longer fear when the things you most fear had happen in your life.

I'm not afraid of dark anymore. But, I'm afraid of sleeping.

It sounds silly. But that is what happen every night when I goes to sleep. I'm scare. I need to sleep with movies sound. I'm afraid if I let my mind to be free before I sleep, I will think. I will recall back memories. I don't want. That's why I keep the sound to distract me to sleep. Just now, I accidentally fell asleep without setting sound and the picture of you kissing my forehead came across. I can still feel that moment so vividly. Bad. I really wish I could sleep like a normal person. Please.