Kenangan Terindah

Appreciate is the word that I never learn =)

It's true that I am so stubborn. It's true that I took things for granted. It's true that I assumed everything that you did were something you should. It's true that I was being so unfair to you. It's true that you are the victim. And to realize now, sorry is just ain't enough. Sorry doesn't turns things back. Sorry can only be a word to regret for your past and hopefully, make a difference in future.

And this is what I learn now, appreciation.

The past memories were so happy and vivid. But it turns into scars when everything turns up side down. It turns into something I was so afraid of. It's a past I used to treasure so much, so much, so precious. Yet, I make all these my scars and a cause to my tears. Something can't be forgot for both good and bad.

But I realized, I can't make this memories as my scars. It can't be my phobia. It has to be some precious memories. It can't be change even to now and it will not. Definitely not.

Instead of thinking this as my scars, I will keep it as the best memories =)

And I truly understand this now.

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang telah hilang darimu

Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun

Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu, kutemukan hidupku,

Bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang telah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangang yang terindah

I always sing thins song last time but never felt so deeply as now.

"As long as my eyes are open, till my heart stop beating,

As long as that,I will afford to miss you.

If what written for me, it's the best for you.

I will make you as my memories, the best one in my life.

It will not be easy for me to leave your life

What that has been craved will always the best memories."

And, I always believe in this.

Sometimes, if you truly love someone, you have to let them go their own way. And if it's true love, it will find it's way back to you.

♥

Random moments

It has been a moody week. I hope I can get right back to track. Find a little thing to smile at. So, I was going through the pictures of me with TanMingMing in PD and look what I've got.

Silly, random face mimic.

I was exploring the function of my new camera and discovered an awesome setting name e-portrait. This e-portrait setting is especially for camwhore lover like us which turn the camera in all sorts of degree just to take a lovely pics of our face. And this setting makes our skin looking FLAWLESS! When I found this, I was like "OMGGGG, you know this setting is sosososososo AWESOME!". Then, TanMingMing and I were so excited and took all this random shot. Hehe, lovely!

My skin is flawless, owhhhhh finally! *imsotouch*

And then, a brilliant idea came to my mind.

That is . . . playing with panorama!

HO-HO-HO! I'm brilliant! See how perfectly I post at every stop =) But the stitching slightly off =/

Here's TanMingMing shot.

Almost there but miss the second one. The first attempt was really funny. I called her to run to a side and stop whenever I tell her. And she was like... RUNNING LEFT AND RIGHT ALL THE TIME! -____________- You think you are calling for fire aaa?

This is the result for running aimlessly!

Okay la, still not that bad.

Little reason to smile #4: Doing random silly things!

Enjoy the moment and have a great laugh =)

The darkness

I wasnt suprise that I'm not afraid of dark now. Today, new challenge comes to life again, just every time I'm in KK, something new will happen to test my independence and to conquer fear. The whole hse was in dark now because hse owner forgot to pay electric bill. Rush under the rain to the Sabah Electricity Center and paid up the bill. Back home, it was still dark. They promised to fix it at 5pm but it's still the same till now.

Last semester when my car tyre tore off, I find a way to fix it all by myself. Realizing there is no single number you can call when you're in trouble, it's sad. But I manage to fix my car tyre by asking help from stranger, I'm proud of myself that I made it. I'm more independent. This time, another problem came. But I wasn't that impressed with myself anymore. The feeling has change. In my mind, I'm no longer proud whether I can be independent or not. It doesn't matter because after all I have to do it myself. This is what I have to do. Nothing to do with independent, it's just something you can't ask help for. I realized that.

Back home, it's all dark and I'm not even worried that I'm alone. I had gone through a darker road, I would not be afraid of dark anymore. I bath in dark with no single fear. It's just how amazing painful experience can influence someone in life. You will no longer fear when the things you most fear had happen in your life.

I'm not afraid of dark anymore. But, I'm afraid of sleeping.

It sounds silly. But that is what happen every night when I goes to sleep. I'm scare. I need to sleep with movies sound. I'm afraid if I let my mind to be free before I sleep, I will think. I will recall back memories. I don't want. That's why I keep the sound to distract me to sleep. Just now, I accidentally fell asleep without setting sound and the picture of you kissing my forehead came across. I can still feel that moment so vividly. Bad. I really wish I could sleep like a normal person. Please.

To a friend

Yesterday and today weren't easy. You walked out. When I was packing ytd, I came across a letter you wrote to me. You told me you will stay by. You told me you will wait for me. You told me not to worry. But you walked out they way you wanted.

You told me you felt guilty towards me. You told me you're empty. But you don't need to. I can't understand how complicated your feelings is. But I dont need you to feel guilty towards me. I'm pitiful but the moment you decided to leave, you know this will happen. Like what I told you, I trusted you but you just give it away. You make me to trust you, to believe every words you told me, in the end you walk away the way you wanted. So stylish then don't come to apologize. Because sorry wont heal a broken heart. At this moment, sorry is just a meaningless word.

For all this, you just proved me right. You just proved me I'm right to feel insecure from the beginning. You left without a sign. You prepare yourself with a parachute but leave me falling from the top.

You wanted to know are you a bad person. I can say you are not a bad person. I never believe you are a bad person. It's not sarcasm. You are not a bad person. But what you did hurt me and it's only me. So, it doesn't matter what ppl think about you and no ppl can justify you are a bad person or not except me. You're very mean after you left. But I still believe you are true when you are with me.

I hope what I believe is right.

And you, please. Please be good to me since we are still friends. If I can accept you truly as a friend, I don't see a reason why you can escape this. Please do take care of your life too. As what I see, you seems to be floating in the middle of the sea. Very freely but aimlessly. Take care, my friend =)

Lollipop flowers

Something I enjoy doing all the time, art.

Lollipop flowers.

Little reasons to smile #3: Looking at your artwork and be so proud!

I got the idea to make this from some cute food website. I thought it was lovely and spent a whole afternoon doing this. This lollipop flowers were supposedly meant for someone. But something happen in between, I just keep this for myself. The gift was not deliver. Two months ago, maybe this person will still think this lollipop flowers as something precious but now, if I give it, it's just be something irrelevant.

So, why not keep the pretty things for yourselves right?

Or maybe give it to someone who will appreciate it.

However, I found owners to these flowers, that is my little cousins! Hahahahahaha, I will just give it one day till this lollipop flowers to still remain looking as flowers. I bet these two little monsters will ruin the petals very soon! Yet, I'm happy to give them as......they simply have the most sincere heart to receive this! Ouhhhh, I love to see my little cousin girl smile. She is simply adorableeeeeee!

Days in Life

Two things that make my day today, the first was my awesome lunch.

Looks like a breakfast though. But I enjoy the breakfast meal.

I was all in the mood today for cooking. Saw a baked bean hiding at the corner of mum kitchen, sausages at the freezer and a loaf of fresh bread placing on the kitchen table. So, this mean breakfast set time! I always had this little thought that breakfast set was the easiest thing to prepare in the restaurant but after trying it myself today. Eheeemmm, I found that frying a perfectly looking bullseye egg is tough =( I failed at the first egg. Egg yolk flow all over the white egg in the mid of frying. Then, the second attempt was this pathetic looking egg =( Nvm, it's in my stomach now and I'm contended!

The little things that makes you smile #1: Having a decent looking meal.

The second thing that makes me happy,

MY NEW BLOG DESIGN!

Truthfully, I make this myself! =) I was browsing for vintage blog templates at first. Then, I realize there no templates that truly satisfied me =( Previously, I always find those templates that are cute and I will edit a little on the colour and fonts. But now I wanted a vintage one, really not much out there. It's either the colour background does not impressed me or the design are just so so. I love floral vintage pattern ♥ But it's just so few out there. So, I decided to create this blog design using the blogger template designer. Seriously, the template designer is so awesomeee! I think I'm really outdated. Didn't know that blogger has such amazing tools for us to customize our blog the way we wanted. Now, I'm so motivated to change my blog design often! I do realize last time that they have new blog templates but I didn know they have so much fonts and you can just upload pic as the background. So, I search through deviantart for pretty flora design and here it is, my new blog design. Love it ♥

The little things that makes you smile #2: Doing pretty decorations for yourselves.

Did you love me like the angel

I think everyone will go through this. A feeling of wanting something back so badly, so desperately but no. You can hope, you can imagine but the result will be the same. Something you wanted will not always be on your hand. This is life. Whether you like or not, this is reality.

There are many life quotes we read everyday. So many that can be related to us. Some bring us hope but some just called us to give up.

I rmber this quote.

"If a person leave your life. Let it be. Because it means that the person journey in your life has ended. Do not hate this person."

It's meaningful and it always related to a relationship or a friend. Someone very dear to you had leave your life. You couldn let go because that person had stay in your heart for very, very long. You couldn let go because that person has completed your life for so long. You're indulged in it. Like you immersed in a quick sand. Hard to pull yourselve up. But at the end of the day, you just have to right.

You can't beg a person to stay with you. It's meaningless. So what you're in pain. So what you pass your days with tears. You cannot just force a person to stay in your life to make yourself happy. The world dont turn for you. Another person dont live for you.

It's sad. But you just have to face the truth.

For you,

did you love me like the sun

did you hold me like the mountain

in the years of you and me

did you love me like the angel

you've gone away

you said you'd stay

when the road was in your hand

did you love me like the angel

when the wind would set you free

would you love me like the angel

This is for you my friend. I wish you the greatest happiness in your life =)